Pieces
by Lindir
Summary: Mikagami's thoughts on the night after the final round of the Ura Butou Satsoujin, and the Hokage reactions the morning after. [finished-- added Epilogue]
1. No Longer

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Recca no Honou and all its characters belong to their respective owners 

Pieces  
Part One: No Longer  
by katanashi

This takes place the night/day after the final round of the Ura Butou Satsoujin.  
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* * * * * 

It had been a long day. 

And he was tired. 

But for some reason, Mikagami Tokiya didn't feel like getting any sleep. He doubted he could have gotten any rest anyway even if he tried. 

What a fool he was. He knew well why he'd never get a good night's sleep again. 

_Kai. Mifuyu. Meguri Kyoza. Hyouman Ken. _

Those names…those terms. Once, his purpose had been so clear cut, so clear and obvious to him. He knew what he lived for. He knew what Ensui was to do. 

Now, he no longer knew.

His hands moved mechanically as they unbuttoned his blood-stained shirt, his already harassed mind not noticing that his hands shook like a fragile leaf in the wind as they worked, pulling off his clothes and putting on in their stead a light blue tanktop and pants, stripping away the blood of a dead man from his body and, in a spurt of wishfulness, stripping away the memories of the day. It was a futile hope. 

The moonlight streamed through the open window, illuminating his slender figure and highlighting the scars that ran all over his body, painting them with its light until the disfigurements showed as plainly as if it had been coated with Indian war paint. Had there been an outside observer, he or she would have never seen Mikagami Tokiya so vulnernable, his slender body lax and frail-looking, his ice blue eyes dulled and completely emptied of any feeling and filled instead with a turbulent unease. 

Finishing changing, he looked around his darkened room dully, completely apathetic. Ten long years, all for little, if not nothing. His life was gone. Finished. 

Worthless.

For some reason- this time, he really didn't know- his eyes drifted upward, towards the serene half-crescent moon that lingered in the sky. It shone so brightly, against that black heavens that were studded with stars. It was absolutely beautiful, a perfect night to watch the stars and try to spot any shooting stars to make a wish. He half reached a hand out, as if to touch the unearthly sickle-shaped object, and felt himself inexplicably drawn towards it until the wall around the open window stopped any further advancement. He sat down woodenly in a convenient nearby chair, his eyes glazed and still fixed on the moon.

Everyone he cared about had come and gone. First his parents. Then Mifuyu. And now, even his master, Meguri Kyoza. True, Meguri hadn't abandoned him. But to Tokiya, he might as well have. He'd rather shoot himself and be on his way to hell than have anything to do with Meguri Kyoza anymore- unless the conflict had a vindicative motive to it. 

How could he kill his master? Meguri Kyoza had taken him under his wing, taught him everything there was to know about Ensui and Hyouman Ken. He was the father he'd never had. He'd provided for him, gave him food and shelter, sent him to school, signed his permission slips, and celebrated birthdays and holidays with him. It was a horrendous crime to even inflict harm upon one's father; to kill would be unthinkably hideous.

But Meguri Kyoza had killed his sister. He'd taken Mifuyu, the person that had meant the world to him, who had taught him right from wrong, left from right. She'd always been there for him, putting him above socializing with her friends, her hobbies, and even school and work. Nothing, absolutely nothing had been the same without Mifuyu there to run to when he had a cut on his knee, when he'd gotten a bad grade in his class, or when the teacher had been overly strict and driven him to tears with humiliation. There was no longer the person who had always been there with a smile and a hug, even if there had been tears in her own eyes, as long as it would stop his own tears from flowing. And in her place came a hard, icy vengeance that craved nothing but the death of the person who'd brought about hers.

He had sworn revenge against Mifuyu's killer. He'd become an exceptional swordsman with Ensui, ice cold and impossible to read as a result, his deep blue eyes frozen in a vindictive mask that somehow hid and showed all his feelings at once.

But never in all the worlds would he have thought that Meguri Kyoza was her killer. He would have never imagined that his master could have betrayed him; not just once, but twice. 

Meguri Kyoza had taught two students to inherit Hyouman Ken…which had resulted in Kai's death.

Meguri Kyoza had killed Mifuyu. 

Two meaningless deaths.

Yet he couldn't forget the times when Meguri had encouraged him when he'd been depressed, smiling sheepishly on Tokiya's birthday as he wished him a happy day, watching him practice with all the pride that a father would have in a son.

_Why? Why me? Why did this all happen? _

He clenched his hands into a fist, feeling a certain sense of grim pride at the dulled sensibility of the heavy callouses on his hands, skin that had hardened from countless hours spent perfecting Hyoman Ken. He lifted one hand and rotated it in the moonlight, examining every inch with a strange wistfulness, a longing for a time where there had been a purpose. There was the scar where he'd first tried to learn Tsurara Mai, with disasterous results. A slight indent on his index finger reminded him of his first, and only, act of carelessness, calling on Ensui's freezing ability without taking into account the world around him. Luckily, little harm had been done; Meguri had been right there alongside him and quickly countered his attack, stopping any potential damage. But the bitterness returned with a vengeance, coursing through his veins alongside his blood, reminding him of the shattered life that he now held in his hands. A life that lacked everything, but needed _something_.

He swallowed hard, trying to control the sudden anguish that washed over him like a wave. Burying his face in his hands, he desperately tried to regain composure, his loose silvery hair that had been freed from its binding ponytail cascading down around his visage, providing a much needed shield. 

He just wanted it all to stop. He didn't want to feel anymore. Emotions brought nothing but pain-- agonizing wrenches that tore him apart inside. He couldn't afford that anymore. Before, thoughts of sweet revenge for his sister had strengthened his will to live, to see that she was avenged. Now, even that was taken away. And the wall was broken and crumbling.

"Meguri…damn you for doing this to me…" Trying to be hateful but only succeeding halfway, his inability to even voice his hatred disheartened him still more. How much he had sacrificed just to see his sister's death vindicated; he had gladly given up even his own self. Now, he could not even begin to describe the chaos that was brimming, just waiting to spill out, but that he could not let out voluntarily. He was broken, defeated. There was nothing left in the shell.

He slid off the chair and sunk to the cold, hard floor, tucking his knees up against his chest and hiding his face against them with his arms wrapped loosely around his legs. Eyes shut tightly, he quietly sat there the rest of the night, staring folornly in his mind's eye at the wall he had to- but couldn't- repair.

* * * * * 

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Notes: Hmm...Mikagami is an interesting character; he has quite a few faces, and he's got a lot of potential to change. I might add to this later; not to the Mikagami introspection, but perhaps a second part on how the Hokage reacted to what happened to Mikagami. What are friends for, ne? ^^

Comments and feedback always appreciated.  
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	2. Watching and Wondering

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Pieces  
Part Two: Watching and Wondering  
by katanashi  
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* * * * *

"I don't really want to go away," complained Kaoru, his fangs making his pout all the more adorable. 

"Why's that, Koganei?" Recca called over his shoulder as he hefted one of Yanagi's bags onto his back.

Kaoru looked down at the ground. "'Cause…I'll never see Raiha again, or Kurei, even if he did live, because I know what Mori-san would do if he did find him."

"And what's that?" Recca asked.

Kaoru looked uncomfortable. "Bad stuff. Trust me, Mori is one grisly guy. He likes blood almost as much as Kai's weapon did. Besides," he added, a faint trace of winsomeness in his voice, "I don't have anywhere to stay, and my parents got rid of me a long time ago…"

Yanagi hugged him. "It'll all be alright, Kaoru-kun," she said reassuringly. "You can live with Recca-kun and Kagero-san at Hanabishi-san's house."

"Sa, that's right, Koganei," Recca said with a grin, coming over after depositing the bags in the car. 

"Honto?" Kaoru looked hopefully at Recca.

Recca squatted down on his heels so he was face to face with Kaoru and pulled his eye down to make his patented funny face. "Yeah, really. We can drive oyaji crazy together, and then he'll turn on that famous 'charm' of his," he added in a confidential whisper with a wink. "Trust me, you'll be glad you never had parents after you meet mine!" 

Kaoru laughed and made his own face. "Ne, niichan, you need to make better faces! No wonder your tousan always gets the better of you!"

Recca suddenly noticed Yanagi's arms on Kaoru's shoulders.

"Why you--" Recca began chasing Kaoru around the parking lot. "I thought I told you not to touch my hime!"

"That wasn't you!" Kaoru yelled. "That was Mikagami-niichan! And anyway, I didn't hug Yanagi-neechan-- she hugged me!"

"Koganei, you get back here!"

"Make me! Nyah, nyah!"

"You little baka! Don't make me call out Setsuna!"

"Nadare would get mad at you for siccing him on a little guy like me!"

"Nadare's MY dragon, and on top of that, you have your Kougon Anki! Don't act like a defenseless twerp!"

"I never said I was!"

Fuuko shook her head. "Boys," she said, more amused than annoyed. She tossed her last bag into the trunk and clapped her hands together. "That's it for Fuuko-chan!"

"Amazing," remarked Domon. "You had at least five bags--"

Fuuko whonked him over the head before he had a chance to say anything further.

"Fuuukkoooo!!!" Domon protested, his eyes starting to water as a huge lump materialized on his head. 

"Nani?" Fuuko asked, innocently enough.

"I was going to praise your ability to actually fit them all in so neatly!"

"Sure, sure," Fuuko said with a careless wave of her hand. "Whaaatever." With a sniffle, Domon headed back to the hotel for the last of the bags. 

"I wonder where Mikagami-kun is," Kagero remarked. "He's usually an early riser, isn't he?"

"Mi-chan? Of course he is. He's never been late to school once; I swear he's perfect in every way."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he was," Recca grumbled.

Yanagi coughed a bit uncomfortably. "Ano…where _is_ Mikagami-sempai?" she asked.

Fuuko scratched her head. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen him since the tournament ended yesterday," she said thoughtfully. 

"Yeah," Kaoru added. "He didn't even go out to dinner with us."

"Well, you can't expect him to jump for joy after what happened to him," Kagero murmered quietly. The group grew silent as they recalled the revelations that had been unearthed during Mikagami's fight with Kai.

"I still can't believe what a heartless bastard Meguri Kyoza is," Fuuko half-snarled. "How dare he do that! Killing an innocent person just for the sake of his own glory! Did he ever think how it would affect Mi-chan?"

"Apparently not." Recca glanced towards Yanagi. "I somehow think that Mori Kouran and Meguri Kyoza belong in the same lot. And deserve the same fate."

Fuuko nodded. "Definetely."

"That's not for us to decide," Kagero said firmly. "I've been around four hundred years, children. I've seen people get what they deserve more times than not-- many more times. Eventually, everything comes back to haunt them. You'll see. Meguri Kyoza will not go unpunished, whether Mikagami takes revenge or not."

Kaoru made a face. "Somehow, I think Kurei-sama got punished too much for nothing," he commented quietly. 

"Why's that?" Recca demanded. "He can torture and kidnap people, blame me for his life's problems, and what the bastard's been through can explain that?"

"That's not what I meant or said!" Kaoru denied vehemently. "What I mean is, everything just kinda went wrong for Kurei-sama. He just had to get adopted by Mori Kouran, he just had to fall for Kurenai, and Mori killed her! He's not a bad guy, really! And if he'd just not been brought up by Mori, he'd be different!" He glanced around at his silent circle of friends. "Honto! He'd be different!" he repeated, stamping his foot in a rare childish moment.

Recca broke the silence. "Nobody doubts that, Koganei," he told the younger Hokage softly. "And I guess a lot of this mess can be blamed by Mori Kouran. But you have to realize that a lot of this was Kurei's decisions too. He isn't a bad guy, but he has a sort of bad nature instinctively."

"Not really a bad nature," Kagero interjected. "Just really more of an active pessimist. And I'm not sure if his flame is truly cursed, but if it is, then it may have affected how his life turned out."

"Since when have Kurei and Mi-chan belonged in the same sentence?" Fuuko asked impatiently. "We're leaving for home in an hour, and Mi-chan had better haul his own bags out to the car, otherwise he's staying here with Mori!"

Recca shuddered. "I think just the last reason will be enough to send him running back to his house without a single stop."

"Probably all of us," Kagero admitted ruefully. "That man is inhuman sometimes, and what he does in his house makes me nervous."

"And you're immortal, too," Fuuko pointed out. She thought about it. "Hey, why don't you just teach him that Time Manipulation spell if all he wants is eternal life?"

"Fuuko!" Recca exclaimed, aghast. "You can't be serious!"

"Do you know you just said?!" Kaoru yelped. "Mori Kouran is the LAST person you want to have around forever!"

"Not a bad idea," Kagero allowed. 

Recca fell over, completely flabbergasted. "Kaachan!"

Kagero chuckled. "I was joking, Recca."

"Thank goodness," Kaoru declared, taking a deep breath. "I think the world will be better without Mori Kouran."

"Or Meguri Kyoza," Fuuko added darkly.

Kaoru looked hopeful. "Maybe Mikagami-niichan just needed some time for himself," he suggested. "I mean, Kurei-sama, when Kurenai-sama first died--"

"Kaoru, those are two completely different situations with two completely different people," Kagero said gently. "Kurei is even more emotionless than Mikagami sometimes; they'd react differently in almost any situation. Granted, they may both control themselves to an almost inhuman extent, but they are different. I remember Kurei; he wasn't a terrible child, but Reina raised him in a terrible way. She made him think the world revolved around him, when in truth, if he was to be the Hokage leader, he would have to adjust to the needs of the people he led." 

"None of this is helping Mi-chan," Fuuko remarked. "Forget Kurei; that chapter is over and done with-- hopefully," she added as an afterthought.

"Koganei's probably right," Recca put in. "He's just needing some time for himself. I mean, wouldn't you have wanted to just spend some time to yourself after something as traumatizing as what Mikagami has been through?" 

"I'm not sure about that." Kagero's eyes clouded with old memories. "His only purpose in his life was to avenge his sister's death. Swordsmanship, Hokage-- everything he ever did was fueled by that one motivation. And now, it's like his life is over."

"Kagero-san, how would you know this?" Yanagi asked.

A winsome smile crossed her face. "I, too, lost my life. When I rose the next day after the attack, I found not a live soul that belonged to the Hokage, not a single one. Every person in the clan had been killed. As I went on with my life-- if it could be called a life-- it was difficult not become immersed in the past instead of looking into the future. When the past has been terrible to you, it's almost impossible to cast its weight away."

"So you're saying that Mikagami thinks he's a worthless piece of crap now?" Recca looked a bit skeptical. "That doesn't sound like him. How can he feel worthless with all that's going for him?"

Kagero decided, wisely, to refrain from entering into an argument with her son. She knew that he'd inherited his father's stubborness, and frankly that was something that she just didn't want to deal with. Besides, Recca just couldn't see things the way Mikagami was seeing them right now. Kukai had been right; the two were completely different.

"He wouldn't be himself anyway," Kaoru reasoned. "I bet none of us would be ourselves if we just got a shocker like that."

Fuuko stamped her foot, trying to get a wedge of mud off her shoe. "Like I said before, none of this is helping him," she remarked crossly. "Let's go up and talk to him, or something. He's got to break himself out of this gunk."

"Are you sure you should be the one doing that?" Recca said suddenly. 

Fuuko glanced back, surprised. "We're his friends. We should do that."

"Well, the way you've been, you wouldn't be helping," Recca said flatly. He ducked a swipe. "I'm just trying to be honest, really!"

"Really." Fuuko looked skeptical-- and angry. "Why?"

"You've been so touchy about Mikagami and Meguri, I was really afraid you go and beat up Meguri yourself." Recca looked off to the side with a sigh. "Look, Fuuko, we all don't agree with what Mikagami's master did, but you're not going to help things by going off half-cocked all the time, and Mikagami's not the type to appreciate it either. I learned that yesterday."

"Eh?" Fuuko's eyebrow arched.

"Kurei, when he referenced to Joker slashing Saicho…"

"Joker was supposed to kill me," Kaoru whispered. "It's my fault that Saicho got put into the hospital." Kagero put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

Recca tossed a concerned look at the youngest Hokage before continuing. "Well, anyway, when Kurei referred to Koganei as-- trash," he spoke the words reluctantly, but Kaoru didn't flinch. "I got really mad. I mean, really, really mad. I was ready to go charge him, kill him, the whole deal. But old Kokuu held me back and made me see things the way they were. Kurei had said all those things deliberately to make me angry, because that was what he wanted. He intentionally tried to provoke me."

"I remember now. But you're going to have a hard time convincing me that Meguri Kyoza killed Mikagami Mifuyu just to set me off." Fuuko looked even more skeptical.

Recca rolled his eyes. "I'd be very scared if that was the case. No, what I'm trying to say is, you've got to be in control to make the situation turn out the way you want it. Look at the fights between Kurei and I. Last night, we were both out of control. But the first time we met, he was in complete control, while I was a bit above insanity. Look who had the advantage there. I got out of there only because of the Hachiryu."

"So, you're saying that I should control myself better," Fuuko said slowly.

Recca nodded. "It's the next step to becoming better, Fuuko."

The girl shrugged. "I'll need to become better anyway. Worth a shot_." Especially since the Fuujin's dead now_, she thought with a pang.

Recca nodded. "Alright…now, let's go see Mikagami. We can catch Domon on the way."

"He's coming this way right now," Fuuko observed. "Why don't we just wait for him?"

Recca shrugged. "Sure."

Within a minute, they had explained everything to the biggest Hokage, including their take on the current situation and what they planned to do about it. Domon, who didn't seem too fond of Mikagami in the first place, nevertheless agreed wholeheartedly that they were obligated to do it. "And even if we didn't have to, it wouldn't be right not to," he'd pointed out.

"Sometimes Domon really surprises me," Recca told Fuuko quietly as they tromped into the hotel. Domon was in front of them, being needled by Koganei on another random issue. 

"Me too," Fuuko confided. "We've all learned so much about each other. I mean, who would have guessed that Kaoru would become our fifth member, or that Yanagi has some sort of a backbone?" _The important words being 'some sort', of course_, she added mentally.

"Yeah," Recca agreed. "But you notice that Mikagami is the one person that we know nothing about, other than the fact that his sister died by Meguri Kyoza's hand?" He looked thoughtful. "I wonder what we're going to find out now." 

* * * * *

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Well, I had aimed for finishing the story, but I guess there's one more installment to take place.

Comments and feedback always appreciated ^^.  
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	3. To Feel and Be Free

"Oi

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Pieces  
Part Three: To Feel and Be Free  
by katanashi  
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* * * * *

"Oi! Mikagami! Open up, you ice-head!" Recca yelled, pounding on the door.

"Go away, Hanabishi." Mikagami's voice was completely flat.

"Make me!"

"Hn."

Recca hit the door again. "Teme…" he began angrily, before Yanagi took his arm and quietly pulled him away. While she tried to reason with him to calm down, Fuuko took the chance and rapped on the door.

"I told you to go away, Hanabishi."

Fuuko rolled his eyes. "I'm not Recca, Mi-chan. Come on, open up, onegai?"

"Why should I?"

"We just want to make sure you're alright, that's all."  
"I'm fine."

"Uh huh. Open up, pretty boy."

"No."

Fuuko bit her tongue to keep back an angry retort. She counted to ten, reminded herself that they were here to help him, and took a deep breath. "Come on, Tokiya. Open the door."

"No."

"Why not?" Fuuko asked. "Give me one good reason why you can't open the door."

"Maybe because I'm still sore from yesterday," Mikagami said sarcastically. "Or because I'm just feeling like a complete bakayaro from being so dumb."

'I never thought I'd live to see the day Mikagami calls himself an idiot,' Fuuko thought, amused despite her impatience. "Alright," she said aloud as she winked at Domon. "Domon, why don't you break the door down then, since Mi-chan isn't capable of opening it?"

"Sure," Domon agreed easily. "Hey, Mikagami, you've got ten seconds to open the door yourself before I open it for you! One, two…"

Yanagi finally succeeded in calming Recca down and the two rejoined the group. 

"Three, four…"

"What's going on?" Recca asked his mother.

"Five, six…"

"Mikagami-kun refuses to open the door, so if he doesn't open it by ten, then Domon will break the door down."

"Seven, eight…"

Recca raised an eyebrow. "He'd better do it fast, then."

"Nine, te--"

The door opened to show a very cross Mikagami Tokiya glaring at them. 

Domon, who had his fist poised to meet the wood, looked disappointed as he lowered his fist. "Kuso. I was hoping you wouldn't open it," he complained.

Mikagami gave him an exasperated look, then turned and wordlessly disappeared back into his room. 

Fuuko followed. "Mi-chan, come on, it's time to go," she said. She glanced at the mess in the room and was appalled. "Your room's gross! I can't believe you're as bad--"

"I'm not." Mikagami cut her short. "I just felt like throwing things around last night."

"I didn't think you felt anything at all," came Recca's retort from the door. He was immediately pulled away into the hall again. Fuuko couldn't actually hear what was going on, but she could easily imagine it. Yanagi would call Recca a meanie, and start to cry, and Recca would hastily promise her that he'd make it up, blah blah blah. Fuuko looked up in an attempt to hold back her imminent puking. They were cute together, yes, but they were too cute at times. 

"What do you want, Kirisawa?"

Her gaze shifted back to Mikagami. He was sitting by the window, in a chair that he had obviously dragged over there since it looked so out of place, and was gazing blankly out the window.

Fuuko sat down beside him. "We just want to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine. Now leave."

'He certainly isn't the grateful type,' Fuuko thought, annoyed. "You know, we came all the way over here just to check on you," she began. "You could at least be a little nicer."

Mikagami snorted and looked away. "Decency has no meaning anymore."

Fuuko frowned. "Fine." She crossed her arms stubbornly over her chest. "If you don't get packed in ten minutes, you get to stay here with Mori Kouran."

For one incredible moment, Fuuko actually thought Mikagami wouldn't move. Then, slowly, the swordmaster rose to his feet and began picking up his sparse belongings. Fuuko barely hid her grin. 

"Need help?" Domon offered.

Mikagami turned his icy stare to him. "No. I don't need your disgusting skin peeling off onto my clothes."

"Too bad," Domon said cheerfully, continuing to pick up Mikagami's stuff. Surprisingly, Mikagami didn't protest further. In fact, Fuuko mused, it almost seemed as if he appreciated Domon's help. 'How strange…'

"I'll help, too," she offered, heading to the bathroom. She was somewhat surprised to find it perfectly tidy and neat, with a clean floor and sink-- except for one silver hair. 

Fuuko picked it up and held it against the bathroom light, watching its gentle sparkle. "For an ice king like him, he sure has pretty hair," she commented to herself. She was always envious of people with good hair; her own lavender locks were finally decent-looking after countless bottles of shampoo and conditioner, but in the beginning, they had been horribly coarse. "It's not fair sometimes."

"It's also a pain to keep neat." Mikagami was standing in the doorway. For a moment, his eyes softened.

"Then why do you keep your hair long?" Fuuko inquired. "It's certainly not conventional in Japan."

A long pause ensued as Mikagami looked off to the side, studying the cracks on the walls absently. Fuuko waited, then decided that maybe it was better for her to let her friend have some time to himself. Sometimes, even the most open of people didn't want to talk about the things bothering them, and Mikagami was certainly not an open person.

"I'll go help Domon," she said quickly. "You don't mind getting your stuff together from here?" She waited for a reply, and when it was not forthcoming, she headed for the door when his quiet voice stopped her.

"I haven't cut my hair since Mifuyu died."

Fuuko stopped short, then slowly turned around. "Honto?" she said softly. That would explain his reluctance to answer her question. She felt a pang of guilt for inadvertedly bringing up what was obviously a painful past.

Mikagami nodded. "It's foolish, I suppose," he said with a sigh. "But it was a way to keep reminding myself what I had promised to do. And Neechan always wore her hair long. I've never seen her with short hair." He reached up to his ponytail as he spoke, fingering the silken strands. "Perhaps it is time I should cut it."

Fuuko looked at him. "Maybe it is, Mi-chan…"

"And maybe it isn't," he added, finishing her thought. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." He sighed heavily and leaned against the wall. The same folorn emptiness that had filled his eyes last night came rushing back. 

Fuuko put a hand on his shoulder tentatively, but took it away quickly when he tensed. "Look, Mi-chan, I know you're torn up and stuff, but you've always got us. You're not going to lose us like you lost Mifuyu."

Mikagami laughed bitterly. "Whoever said I had anything to lose in the first place?" The words were cruel and screamed false in his ears, but his icy exterior was something he couldn't afford to lose yet. Without it, he'd fade into oblivion, unable to adjust to the world around him.

Fuuko felt as though she'd been slapped in the face. "Is that how you feel, Mikagami?" she demanded. "Is that all? Are we worthless, to be thrown away like an outgrown toy?" Her voice rose. "After the whoel bloody tournament, where we saved your life and you saved ours?"

"It was strictly for survival. I told you before that I was in it only to find my sister's killer."

Fuuko stared at him. "Fine, then." Even though her voice was abnormally quiet, the anger in her tone lashed into him like no whip in the world could. They left fresh cuts in his already wounded soul, and reopened the half-healed ones. 

He was slowly bleeding to a spiritual death.

Someone cleared their throat at the door. Both Fuuko and Mikagami looked up to see Kagero standing in the doorway. Neither had noticed her arrival or presence, which was amazing in itself because both were extremely alert despite the emotional turmoil.

"Fuuko, I think Domon and Recca need some help with the car," Kagero said. "Would you mind?"

Fuuko shook her head. "Not at all." As she passed Kagero, she muttered, "Have fun with the king of ungratefulness."

Kagero smiled sympathetically. Fuuko was a generous, kind-hearted girl, but she couldn't relate to what the boy in the room was going through. None of the Hokage could.

Mikagami was slumped against the wall, head lowered and his hair covering half his face. When Kagero touched his arm, it took him several seconds to react. Kagero was quietly appalled at his appearance. It really wasn't that bad by normal standards, but for the usually impeccable Mikagami, it was that bad. His eyes were bloodshot, his face pale, and he moved with an uncharacteristic lethargy. 

Kagero fixed him with a stern look. "Don't even try the 'I'm fine' business," she told him. "I can see right through your charade."

Mikagami's face quirked into a half-smile. "In a way, I'm relieved."

Kagero nodded, understanding. "You don't have to hide from any of us," she said gently. 

Mikagami sighed. "I know. But I can't. I guess that's one thing I haven't learned yet."

"It'll take time. But I'm sure you'll find the heart to trust us eventually." Kagero smiled at him. "Even though you don't believe in yourself, we do. Until you can do that for yourself, we're going to have to do it for you."

"I feel dependent." Mikagami's eyes clouded. "I don't like it," he added bluntly. He had never been one who pretended about what he felt; he just didn't like to show it.

"You're not used to it," Kagero corrected him, not mincing words. "Everyone depends on someone, Mikagami. You need to shift that dependence from your sister to us." 

Mikagami winced and turned away, taking a deep breath. Memories of his sister flooded his mind. Mifuyu watching TV with Tokiya, pointing out certain bits of the show…helping him with his homework…tucking him in at night…

Kagero's heart constricted at the obvious pain Mikagami was in. It was so cruel. If only Meguri Kyoza had thought through this, and realized that he could have easily ruined another person's life with his actions! Then again, Kagero thought darkly, he probably had. A swordmaster never did things in haste; Meguri had probably believed that his own glory and Mikagami's exceptional talent outweighed whatever mental risks the situation presented. She hated the man all the more with that assumption, especially since the damage had already been done.

Mikagami had been taught to control his emotions, a skill he took to a whole new level. Now, when he was desperate to let them out, he simply couldn't. All they could do now was be there for him, and slowly, he would learn to let himself go. Like she had told him earlier, it would take time. But like she had also said earlier, she was confident he would succeed.

"I wish I could feel," Mikagami whispered brokenly. "I wish I was free."

Kagero put her hand on his shoulder and raised his chin with the other. "Tokiya," she said quietly, with conviction. "You are free. And you do feel. All you need to do is to let go."

* * * * * 

Fuuko handed the last of Mikagami's luggage to Domon, who crammed them into the car.

"I can't believe it all fit!" Recca exclaimed.

"Neither can I," Kaoru said, agreeing with Recca for once. "I mean, with Fuuko's bags taking up so much space-- uh oh." He glanced nervously behind him. 

"Hmph." Fuuko crossed her arms and glared at him. "I'll let that slide, squirt, but for this time only."

Relief washed over Kaoru's face. "Thanks, Fuuko."

Fuuko smiled. "It's no problem."

"Yeah, because it was true," Recca said with a snicker. A moment later, he was sprawled out on the grass with spinning eyes, as a worried Yanagi fussed over him.

Fuuko rubbed her fist and huffed in irritation. "You better not grow up like them, Kaoru. I have enough idiots to deal with."

"Then what about me? I have to be the zookeeper of four different monkeys," she heard a familiar voice comment from behind. 

She whirled and almost ran right into Mikagami, who had a faintly amused expression on his face. 

"Mi-chan! You feeling better?" Fuuko asked at once.

"Yes, I am." Mikagami seemed to struggle silently for a moment, then added in a low voice, "Arigatou, Fuuko."

Fuuko stared at him, bewildered. "Huh?"

Mikagami rolled his eyes. "I am not repeating that," he said, letting his old attitude kick in. "Surely you understand such basic Japanese, or is that monkey brain of yours starting to soften?"

"What? I--uh--hey!" Fuuko was indignant as she realized he had just called her a monkey again. "What do you mean by that, you idiot?!"

Mikagami half-smirked. 'Some things just don't change,' he thought, strangely content with the concept. 

Meanwhile, the others had gotten into the car. "Oi! Mikagami! Fuuko! Get in here, or we're leaving you behind!" Recca hollered.

Fuuko stopped her tirade immediately and ran for the car, obviously not taking the chance that Recca might be serious. She had spent enough time around the creepy place to have enough of it. 

But Mikagami took his time, glancing around one last time before ambling to the car, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Recca had gotten into the car and was waiting for him. "Jeez, you sure like to take strolls at the worst times," he remarked, but there was no malice in his tone, only a playful lilt. "Come on, let's go. Take the front seat," he added when he saw Mikagami reach for the back door handle.

Mikagami raised his eyebrow, mystified by the unusual request. "Why's that?"

"'Cause you look tired, man. You'll get carsick really easily if you sit in the back. And trust me, tired, carsick, and grumpy is the worst combination in the world. I've been through it, and I've been with a friend who went through it. Both rank as among my top tne worst experiences." Recca clapped a hand companionably on his shoulder and looked closely at him. "You're sure you're alright? We can stop by somewhere to rest if you get tired."

Mikagami was inclined to feel offended at the fuss Recca was making over him, but the irritation was surprisingly absent. Instead, he felt pleased, even touched by Recca's concern. "No, I'm fine, but…thank you."

Recca looked surprised, then grinned. "No problem, man."

Mikagami got into the front seat, and Recca climbed into the back-- right next to Yanagi, Mikagami noted dryly. If it was anyone else but Recca, he'd have know right away that the chance to sit next to one's girlfriend would be the reason for the switch. But Recca…and Fuuko…and Domon…and even Kaoru were different. They cared about him.

__

They care about me. 

A smile wormed its way onto his face as he leaned back against the cushions, hardly aware of the engine starting and the car lurching forward, leaving behind the grassy expanse of Mori Kouran's estate and heading towards their middle-class town. 

He heard Fuuko yelling at Domon, Domon alternating between sniffs and sobs, Recca and Kaoru calling each other names, and Yanagi trying to calm everyone down. Beside him, Kagero only shook her head and kept on driving. 

Somehow, they were the most pleasant things he'd heard for a long, long time. These people were like a clear umbrella on a rainy day, letting him see what was going after him but not letting it through. Slowly, the wall in his mind's eye began to fall again, hopefully a wall that he wouldn't need. The icy exterior began to soften and melt.

And for the first time since that awful day that Mifuyu was killed, with his long silver hair draped loosely around his face and closed eyes, Mikagami Tokiya finally smiled a real smile.

* * * * *

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Whooo! I actually finished it! Big thanks to those who stuck by me and urged me on; I don't think I would have been able to finish without u guyz. What do you think about this story? Tell me! (so I can do better next time)

Comments and feedback always appreciated ^^.  
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	4. Light

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Pieces  
Epilogue: Light  
by katanashi  
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* * * * *

"I'm back, Neechan." 

The soft voice of Mikagami Tokiya once again echoed throughout the stillness of the yard, as he knelt in front of Mifuyu's grave. It brought a wave of sadness over him; over a decade ago, he had been in this very same position, with a rift in his heart that ran so deep he thought it would never close and make his heart whole again. 

He would have never guessed it would take a war and five extremely unique people to make the impossible come true. He had never realized it before, but he had been skating on extremely thin ice; he had been lucky to have Kagero there to recognize the signs, and the four monkeys to cheerfully drag him out of the pit.

His face broke into a wry smile at the thought of the four 'monkeys'. "A gorilla, sea monkey, chimp, and …" he reflected ruefully, laughing at what his seventeen-year old mind had conjured. 

He reached into his pocket. "The war's over, Neechan," he told her. "We won. Barely." He settled down comfortably; he was in for a long story-telling session. "The Tenjougikou was finally destroyed. It took everything we had, but we won." He spoke of the long, terrible years in a bittersweet voice, telling Mifuyu of the terror when Yanagi was kidnapped and the illusions they later learned she had endured. A hint of humor colored his story of Kaoru screaming his lungs out over a simple kiss by Kamui, and in a grief filled tone he told her of Meguri's death. "He didn't deserve to die like that, Neechan," he said softly, reaching towards the grave as if to hold her hand. "We got it all wrong. Please…ask him to forgive me. I was so, so wrong." As he got towards the end, his voice grew pained as he remembered the suffering and the agony endured by all of them, both emotional and physical.

"It was terrible. Whenever someone was supposed dead…" His eyes clouded over. "I wished then, Neechan, that I'd never let myself feel again. I thought everyone was dead, everything that I had learned to care about…it was like the nightmare was starting all over again." Again, his fingers moved towards the grass. "I could never bear losing you, Neechan," he added softly.

__

You'll never lose me, Tokiya.

He smiled winsomely at the sweet voice in his head. "I know, Neechan. But I have to let you go."

__

You already have.

"Maybe I started to, Neechan. But I kept your spirit here, didn't I? You couldn't leave this plane of existence because of me."

The voice grew gently chiding. _Tokiya, I stayed because I worried about you, and because you needed me. You never forced me to do anything. But you don't need me anymore, do you?_

He winced at the words. "No, that's not true. I'll always need you, Neechan."

__

What happened to letting me go, Tokiya?

He stared at the ground. Even though he was over twenty, he had childlike reclusive habits that he still struggled with, a remnant of his youth. He doubted it would ever leave him. "Neechan…" he trailed off. 

__

Letting me go doesn't mean losing me. I meant it when I said you'd never lose me. But now, I'm holding you back from living your life. 

Tokiya sighed. "I know. You're right, as usual."

He felt her smile rest on his face as warmly as the sun's rays did and closed his eyes, revelling in what little contact he had with his only family. He felt Mifuyu wrap him in her hug, the special embrace that reassured him as a child, that made all the imaginary bakemonos disappear. But now, it was different; the embrace was warmer, more loving, and less protective.

Mifuyu was right. He no longer needed to shield himself from the world with her memory. It was time that he lived his own life, and created his own world. He would always love his sister and cherish her in his thoughts, but the purposes of his actions were no longer for her. 

He could feel her spirit departing, becoming fainter as she slowly disappeared from his senses. 

__

I love you, Tokiya-chan. Don't you ever forget that. 

"I love you too, Neechan," he whispered, his voice choked from emotion.

With the slight whispering with the wind, Mifuyu was gone.

Mikagami Tokiya opened his eyes to see the grave of his sister, Mikagami Mifuyu, exactly as he had seen it before he'd closed his eyes. But now, reaching out delicately with his mind, he could sense a certain kind of freedom, a gaiety that had not been there before. 

He smiled sadly. "Neechan, I'm glad you're free, too. It's wonderful, to be free." There was nothing like bursting from that dark cage that he had kept himself in for so many years. It was like moving out of darkness and into the light.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out Ensui. Handling the sword with an expert hand, he studied it briefly before pulling out a bottle of water and pouring it on Ensui, letting the liquid crystallize into the blade that had killed so many. Reaching behind him, he deftly severed off his ponytail with one swift cut. As he did so, he felt a hundred different things, a whole gamut of emotions. It was as if everything he'd felt in the past decade came rushing back as he knelt there, holding his silvery hair. 

He opened his palm and let the breeze take his hair, strand by strand, and with it, the renewed weight of his childhood memories were alleviated, bit by bit. "Good bye, Neechan," he said in a low voice, turning and walking resolutely out of the graveyard, his now short hair trailing in the breeze.

The silvery strands settled over Mifuyu's grave, glittering dully in the morning light.

* * * * *

"Finally!" A pretty, violet-haired diva straightened and put her hands on her hips, glaring at Tokiya. "Mi-chan, what took so long?"

"Yeah, did you lose your way again?" the huge man with a mohawk cut snickered.

"Mikagami-niichan never loses his way!" a slight teenage boy declared firmly. "Unlike someone else here who happens to be a mongloid freak!"

"A what?" Domon rolled his eyes. "Did I hear something?" he asked Fuuko. "Or am I just--"

"Dumb?" Kaoru jumped in, grinning like a cat.

While the two continued to bicker and Fuuko tried to extricate herself out of the mess, Mikagami walked up to a tall, slender young man with spikey black hair and a gentle young woman with kind, welcome eyes. 

The black-haired man peered curiously at Tokiya. "You okay?" he asked. Such a wealth of emotion was conveyed in two short, generic words. They implied concern, worry, curiousity, understanding…

Mikagami nodded. "Aa. It was hard," he added quietly. "But I feel better than I have in years."

Recca nodded in understanding. Being no stranger to the troubles of sentiment, he could empathize with his comrade accurately.

"I'm glad, Mikagami-kun," Yanagi said seriously, smiling bravely at him underneath her sweet smile.

He automatically smiled just watching her smile, but it quickly gained genuine warmth. "I am, too," he admitted honestly.

"We're all glad it's finally over," Recca said quietly. "Kami-sama, what a mess it was." He shuffled his feet a bit, mulling over his thoughts, before straightening with a familiar impish grin on his face. "By the way, Mikagami, we'd better get you to a barber as soon as we can. You look like a girl with that weird hair cut."

"Are you insulting my concept of beauty, Hanabishi?" Mikagami sniffed, immediately picking up his snobbish attitude, which was no more than an act now. It was a way to joke around with Recca.

"As if you had any to begin with," Recca retorted. The two men looked at each other, then laughed. 

"I do need a good haircut," Mikagami conceded after he stopped laughing. "If you know of any good places, mention away."

"I know of a really nice little salon in downtown," Fuuko volunteered, overhearing their conversation. "I can take you this afternoon if you'd like, Mi-chan."

"That would be nice. Arigatou, Fuuko." 

"No problem," she replied airily. "You can thank me by teaching me how to cook."

Mikagami laughed, blue eyes twinkling. "I'm afraid you'll need better help than mine."

"Perhaps you're right," she agreed, her own eyes dancing merrily. 

"Hey, you two!" Recca waved at him. "Let's get going, shall we? Hime is going to be late for her appointment!"

"Oh, heaven forbid that Yanagi-chan be late," Fuuko playfully mocked, but ran for the car anyway.

Mikagami, as usual, ambled along more casually behind, but reached the car in good time. He visibly winced upon seeing Recca in the drivers' seat. Recca's driving was crazy to say the least.

"I'm letting Hime drive," Recca said before Mikagami had the chance to open his mouth.

Mikagami nodded in relief and climbed into the back, sitting next to Fuuko.

"Are you still going to see Raiha this afternoon?" he asked her in a low voice.

Fuuko nodded, sadness falling over her face. "He's a little depressed," she said unhappily. "Of course, I can't blame him. With the way things worked out, it's a wonder he's still alive, and that he…" she trailed off, unable to find the strength to voice her fears.

"That he didn't kill himself?" Mikagami finished for her.

Fuuko nodded reluctantly. "Yes. I was so afraid, with everything that happened, that he'd just throw himself off the cliff and be done with everything…"

"Raiha would never do that." Mikagami's voice was quiet, reflective. "When one lives with honor and humility like he has done, to throw life away would be the greatest act of cowardice possible."

"I don't understand." Fuuko looked perplexed.

Recca turned back. "I'll explain later, if you want."

Fuuko grimaced. "Oh, no. If Recca gets it, that means he's smarter than me."

"Now that's saying something," Kaoru said in satisfaction, but he couldn't help but cringe a bit at the dual death looks sent his way by the former flame and wind masters.

Mikagami laughed. "Recca understands because of parallel experience. You, however, have a totally different attitude than both of us to everything. It's no wonder you don't quite understand."

"I'd like to help him, though," Fuuko said softly.

"You are, just by being there. Presence means a lot for hurting people." Mikagami smiled in that mysterious way of his before turning to face out the window, effectively ending the discussion.

He stroked his fingers across the seamless surface, noting absently how alike it was to ice. Ice…it only brought back terrible memories of the war, of the final battle against Meguri, but it was all behind him. It was over.

For some reason, he looked up. The sun shone overhead, spreading its light all about both the world about him and the world within him. For a second, he thought he saw a near-transparent figure up in the sky, waving an arm in a farewell. He blinked, and the figure was gone. 

A smile found its way to his face, as he closed his eyes and let the sun rays warm him. The ice was forever gone, melted and banished. Never would he be cold again. 

* * * * *

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Okay...well, I thought I finished it...but Jealous Wabbit suggests a conclusion and I think, hm, that's pretty cool! So I hammer it out. As for the ending of Recca no Honou the manga...I have no idea how it's going to work out, so I left it generalized, except for parts I knew happened. Raiha's depression is a figment of my imagination, although i imagine it's entirely possible. 

Yes, I like Raiha. No, I'm not hinting towards Fuuko/Raiha in this. They've always been good friends. ^^ 

I'll be taking an anime hiatus for now...concentrating on Lord of the Rings. Ja ne!  
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End file.
